I sometimes wished that I haven't pushed so many people away and that I wasn't who I was and that maybe, I could be an angel because then I'll be perfect and nice. I read somewhere that a young person is one who does not have experience. But a young person who is cynical is stripped off everything because not only does he not have any experiences, but he has also lost hope in the world. So I need to try this new thing where I stop being so cynical because that'll mean that I'm but just an empty shell.
Wordpress.
Then it's back to the books, and thick stacks of foolscap papers, with tens and tens of refillable uni blueblack pens.
This life, I can sustain it (: I'm quite happy now, so tempermental right, ya I know. I'm not oblivious to my disarrayed state of mind, in case you think I am. Right now, Complex Numbers. It's really not that complex, and if you're smart, come be my friends. My criteria for friends now is Smart. I need smart friends. That means, all my friends now, bye!!!!! ;););) Just kidding, I'm the dumb one la, everyone is smart relative to me
But srsly, I wouldn't mind if a stranger(smart) came up to me asking to be my friend. I would be damn glad. Damn damn glad.
express yourself {10:16 PM}
Tuesday, July 14
Sometimes, I feel kinda sad. Like, there's so many things to be sad about. Right?
Sometimes, I feel so sad, that I'm not even sad anymore.
Sometimes, I look at people, and feel so sad, because they suck, and they are ignorant.
Sometimes, I look at people, and feel so sad, beacuse they are all that I'll never be.
Sometimes, almost all the time, I look at people, I judge, and I feel sad, because I then realise that I have no right, absolutely none, to do such a thing. Because, I'm in no position to judge anyone. No one is. Because you can only judge when you're perfect.
Sometimes, I don't know what emotions I'm feeling. I know it's not a happy feeling, but I don't know if it's a sad one. So yes, it must be sad.
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( [fat sad face with infinite double chins]
express yourself {6:33 PM}
Thursday, July 9
Sometimes I really don't get people. I can jump up high, bang my head against the walls, read articles that is supposed to make me understand better, but at the end of the day, I'll still not get it. Just like the picture, do you get it? I don't. What has a knife, an eggplant, E, have in common? The letter E ah? The knife leh...
Ahhhhh, whatever, sometimes reading and hopping blogs makes me angry. Ok, angry is too strong a word. I'm just discontented on the views that other people have. Not that I have the right or anything. I don't, I know, but I'm just saying because I feel like saying. And same applies to those who blogged stuff that piss me off. I think my thoughts really aligns to that of Island leh, like the things that they think about and talk about, I think and talk about too. Just 1/2 post ago, I agreed with mich that people sucks. Now,
But one of the main reasons why I don't believe is because there's just too much inequality and injustice in this world. Some rich kid in some developed country prays about doing well for exams, or getting the gold medal in whatever stupid competitions and his prayers always seem to be "answered". But what about the child in like, Israel or Pakistan or whatever who prays for food or water or shelter or just to survive another day, but gets killed by a bomb the very next second? If God exists, shouldn't he know how to prioritise?
That is just one of the long paragraphs from J's blog, if post other part, confirm, plus chop, offend people. But whatever she said, I agree, wholeheartedly. So hey, I agree with you, like alot! And let's eat beef together and maybe we'll meet in hell yea, if there's such a place zzz. Like I rly don't understand why people thank Him or what like must capital letter, cos respect is it? Means no capital letter don't respect? Means if I had a really shit day today, and I managed to get over it and all is well again, I will feel happy be cause the 'he' allow me to? And I get over whatver I have to get over, isn't it me, my brain, and whatever that constitutes what I am that has actually allowed me to do so? I don't get it la, seriously. And I never will. Damn weird la, it's just really weird and I can't put into real words that are firm and sound. Maybe one day I'll write a book or something about what I don't get and my long list of reasons and rationales. That maybe, people will understand my point of view.
On a light light note, exams are finally over. Screw exams la. Eat eat eat, worst than pig. So now, I can carry out my long lists of activities that I am so super looking forward to!!! Can't wait, can't wait. But this excitement will soon die down because of the prevailing need to study for the more important, Prelims/A-Levels. Sucks right? But get over it already. Have a good day everyone :) School starts tomorrow, see you all!
express yourself {11:03 PM}
Wednesday, July 8
Right now, three people are killing me- Sylvia Plath
- James Joyce
- Shakespeare
Right now, I feel so dead I couldn't possibly be anymore alive.
Right now more than anything, I want to make a list of things that I want to do after the long and gruelling 3 hour paper tomorrow. But then I realised that, I already have a list. Sucker. I'm sure that this feeling that I have now will get better. So I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to.
- Eating!/Shopping [Thur]
- Play volleyball [Fri]
- Dinner w island &send off fel [Fri]
- Tkbb07 hangout! (Ask me why I'm secretely sad) [Sat]
- Cycling :) [Sun]
- Shopping! [Sun]
Ahhhh ha! See, I told you I'm currently adddicted to lists. And I just realised something really important. My whole life, my circle of friends, it revloves around school and cca. From the Tanjong Katong classmates from lower and upper sec, the band people back there, to the Meridian classmates and !!volleyball people. So what is it that we complain about, saying school sucks, you hate school, wishing that there never was this thing as school, when it is acutally what makes up life. My life, your life, our lives.
Ok, just murder me now with plath, with joy, using a sphere or something [ha.ha I think I funny~]
express yourself {8:26 PM}
