{EXPRESSED}

Saturday, June 27

My heart feels happy :)

But my brain feels that it's cells are dead. But a happy heart is good enough. Who cares about a rotting brain! I swear I'm going to shop one day admist the exams. Who wants to come with me :) Sign up sheet is out, so come sign up! Hehehe.

express yourself {3:54 PM}

Thursday, June 25

Hello, how's all your studying coming along? Mine sucks, sucks to the max! I have more than half the math syllabus to complete :( I haven't touch it yet, and I'm so sad! Feel sad for me ok? Hehehe, and I really feel like eating sambal stingray and lala and chicken wing........................ Was supposed to go today but I got home and was too lazy. So sad!

So recently, I've been heading down to expo like for the past few days and some days have been good while others, less than satisfactory! Don't think I'll be going down anymore this holidays because I think I'll be too lazy. Oh well maybe saturday or sunday or if someone I like enough call me down. The coffee drinks are seriously making me anemic or however you spell it. You know right, when I stand up after sitting down, then will like black. Cannot drink too much caffine, bad! And oh ya, don't drink the peach, it's not really nice, but it's new.

I can't wait for A Levels to be over. People are thinking after Midyears, I have further thoughts ;) Seriously! There is so many things I want to do, like shop! abroad! yoga! driving! books! all these milder stuff. And I wna do sky diving and scuba diving and I wna car race too, but I think it's expensive and I don't have money and I'll probably have to find a job, which sucks, sucker! Ok la, back to studying. Since tomorrow got no one to send me out, I shall stay at home so I can wake up late hehe. And nowday I think I better, can study more. Eg can sit down for 2 hours on the chair/ last time only .5hour!

Study ok? :) Even if it doesn't pay off... Even if you/me/we continue to fail. Even if it proves that we are stupid because, study already still fail. Even if it's damn loserish because people who don't study do better than you, it alright. Because everything in the end will be alright. I'm not making sense again am I? I should stop, I will stop. Goodnight :)

express yourself {9:40 PM}

Saturday, June 20

I realised something over this few weeks. Besides myself that is really important, I think my family and friends are also really important. I only thought that they were important. Not very. But now, I realise! Hehe ok I'll blog some sense sometime soon la k, and I'll give some good bitching soon too. When I have the mood, and the time :)

express yourself {11:45 PM}

Wednesday, June 17

It's a huge load off my shoulders and I feel that nowdays, I'm able to breathe again and be free. It's good, everything's great. Sleeping into the afternoon, and studying into the night, with company! I'm happy, genuinely and I'm kinda getting used to the sucky life that I'm somehow, beginning to enjoy. Can't wait for A Levels to be over. So many things on my list. Guess what's number one hehe.

express yourself {11:38 PM}

Tuesday, June 16

Current lifestyle, sucks.

I get up in the morning, first thing that comes to mind; the pile of uncompleted revision and papers to do.

Then I'm hungry but there's nothing much in the fridge so I cut a kiwi into two and used a tiny spoon to eat it.

Then I sat, trying to forcefully place images of carboxylic acids and how it would react with any other particles or what ever those science people term it to be. It's so tormenting, it stings my mind.

Then, I typed an outine for my teacher and fervently hoped that I got the right address esle my efforts, down the drain. I either got hungry or got bored so I looked again into the empty fridge. I found some cherries, sprite and a little vodka. It cheered me up a little but then it's a little funny because the timing's totally off.

Then I was happy again because I had spaghetti with some kind of mushrooms for lunch or whatever you called it which I just had. So it's back to the papers now because I've got all those oragnic concepts floating about in my head. Mundane life, three cups of tea.

Can you tell that I'm disorientated and my thoughts are not in a logical order...

express yourself {5:34 PM}

Wednesday, June 10

Coming clean.

We, no one, can possibly be good friends again after a huge tiff or whatever that seems like it. Even if I convince myself that it is mildly possible, it truely isn't. Because mistakes will still be mistakes and the same would continue with no end, just like a ball, rolling. And when this ball finally stops rolling, it'll be when the friendship finally ends. What's the point of saying that something means alot when after saying it, there is no difference, where everything is at a standstill. So like a bystander, I point to that ball, barely rolling, and say, it's going to stop soon. But then it doesn't, because there is a hill and it rolls and rolls and rolls.

There is a car. The car rolled over the ball. The ball is deflated. The ball doesn't exist now. All good things come to an end. It was great, and now, the ending.

Over this period of time, I've realised something so simple, something that needs no explanation. What is broken, is broken and even if its mended, there'll be so much imperfections. Like the cracks, the scars, those wrecked and destroyed. People can console themselves that maybe one broken thing will make it stronger, like how they have gained experience, grew as a person, as a character.

And it's not important whether these friends remains friends anymore. Previously, I would have written- It's not important whether these friends remains friends anymore, unless they change. But now I know no change is going to happen, because that glimmer of seeming hope is infantile, because quote famous saying, a leopard will never change its spots.

So this, is me coming clean right on this space, this spot, and it truely reflects my every thought. Some thing are just beyond reconcilation, and this unfortunately, is one of those.

express yourself {10:08 PM}

Tuesday, June 9

Hello, it's been long (not very actually!) since I blogged here and I've decided to blog here again. It's much more cheery and it makes me happier. I find that there's no point locking my posts because there is simply no point.

Because if there really is something, then I should probably open up and confide in my friends. Because it's not healthy and because my friends are great. Because no one should base everything on one isolated case and continue living on the premise of that. There is really no secrets in the world. So what if the secret is a secret, no big deal anyway, especially after people finds it out.

Optimistic outlook and the pressing need to study.

express yourself {5:15 PM}