Sunday, July 29
Heyyyyyy! Its a Sunday and five weeks have passed, how fast. So tomorrow being a monday, there'll be Chem test and Physics practical and there's a Geog elect test on Tuesday? Don't know. And then English test on Wednesday. Plus Amaths test on all topics on Thursday. Thank goodness there's nothing on Friday after school! I'm starting to feel a little scared and a little panicky that I'm still not nerdy yet. I need to be a nerd!! Haha, I shall influence myself towards the nerd mindset. You'll see, just you wait. (:
Woke up early today for tuition on relative velocity. Understand it a little more than before but still abit not clear. Gonna finish my English compre and summary later. Didn't manage to complete it yesterday, boo! Haha, and the weather was NICE today!! It rained only for a short while. So I managed to go outdoors! The water in the pool was F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G C-O-L-D, considering the amount of sun, must have been the days or rain. Wanted to bake but realised that there wasn't any ingredients -.- how sad.. Ok! I'll go do English now (: See ya soon!
express yourself {8:44 PM}
Saturday, July 28
Hello. I wasted my life away today by playing puzzle bobble, how smart. And to make up for that, I shall uhhh... study later!! I will, trust me (: Or maybe not. Nah, I didn't play bobble for the entire day. Started playing at five? Haha, it's six now. Okay, whatever. Bobble's a dumb game but it doesn't require thinking, so, yup! And its fun too! Haha. There was Physics lessons today since we have missed and will be missing many physics lessons. And I didn't get that A for the bonus mark. No hard feelings! Work harder the next time I guess! (: Plus!!! I understood today's lesson a little, its kinda rare that I understand! So, cheers! Oh yea, Rachel bake some muffins that day and it was SUPER YUMMY! Haha, it was colourful and chocolaty! Feel like baking too (: but it'll be a messy job. Consider.. The weather's been a total bitch. Where's the sun!! Okay, it's nice to sleep in this rainy weather but I don't sleep all the time. Friday's ball plan was disrupted by the rain. Oh, we have a plan to play ball every friday! Haha, see if it'll work. Played with BX, hwee and Sec1's, who had the ball. Feel like swimming now but the water must be Xtremely cold. Hope there'll be sun tmrw! SUN! I miss Rachel, Hwee san, Bao xian, Wei ting. Haha (: Lets go out soon!Regarding that thing that rybh knows, I think I've made the right decision compared to all the other things/methods that I tried. Its working out fine (: but ( lets term this person as rybh) hope that rybh will accept it although rybh still doesn't know.. Yes, I still feel bad, but I've did my best and I still don't feel anything towards rybh. I don't have the courage to tell rybh of my decision or even how I feel but hope rybh will understand. I'm sorry, although saying sorry doesn't help, does it? (: Stay happy forever!
express yourself {6:35 PM}
Wednesday, July 25
HEY! Today's dumb. Mrs P was pms-ing as usual. But, not affected! Although she did scold me, for what? For laughing! (: What a total loser. And she thought it was inappropriate laughing since she was scolding some one. Haha. Its your stupid expression Mrs P, if you dont know! Lol. Can't be bothered with her anymore. She piss me off too much to the extent that its too common and usual that I dont feel anything anymore. And I really do not trust her marking. I don't know if I'm really that bad cause sometimes I get high marks and she tells me I'm doing it right, then at other times, she'll be like 'no no no, you don't understand at all, you've got it all wrong, eh, do you understand?' ya, something like that. And mostly when I dont score too well, I had a 'fight' with her that somewhat cause the low marks, on the other hand, it might very well be just me. (: I don't care. Lol. And if 2 identical essays are put together, she will grade it base on NAME. Proof? Ask R, the other got A1 and she got F9. Loser P. Lol. And we're watching the movie she insisted that we must watch but also, she insisted that we should bring out Macbeth and Sense of Belonging book to be symbolic cause in her plan, we are suppose to bring the book all the time and we should practice bring the book. Wth right? But cute! Ewwwwwww, no way. Haha, ok, I'm affected by her.
I'll go study now! And I so hate myself now because I kena dao-ed and I wonder to myself again on why I even bother trying to talk or sms -.- about what I did and what happened in my life. Gosh, I really don't know if -.- cares or whatever but at least have the courtesy to reply? Your not that cool, ok, maybe you are but I regard you as my friend and if you don't then just tell me. I hate trying. Ok, I didn't kena dao-ed, -.- just replied after three hours, how cool, but nevermind. But I don't mind telling -.- about the stuffs that happened cause its kinda hard to find someone you can actually talk to and trust and tell stuffs, if you get what I mean. But sometimes, I feel like i'm very close to -.-, as in like, able to relate to but on other times I feel that I don't know -.- at all, that's why I don't try talking at those times. Haha, hope -.- doesn't read this! Its so dumb but I can't be bothered to delete it away cos I painstakingly typed it out. Just over sensitive i guess.. See ya, STUDY!!
express yourself {10:43 PM}
Tuesday, July 24
HEY YO!! Yup, i've decided what to do already. To let go. (: Its a good thing actually, not that we can't be friends or anything. Just, hmm, a little different from all those times. But i really really treasure those times i spent with you and i'll never ever forget you! (: (: (: You've helped me out in many many many many things and heard me go on and on countless times. Thank you for all that you've done! Love it and appreciate it, forever. But, i'm sorry. Hope you'll understand. But you won't be reading this anyway i guess, but in any case if you do, here's to you again, thank you for being there for me all the time and yup! That's all i guess.
I sorted out my thoughts and i'm HAPPY now! (: (: (: haha. But i wasn't unhappy at all. Kinda contradictory but who cares?
SO SO SO!! Today is a tuesday and its the second day of school in the week! I was supposed to do 1. Geog elect homework 2. Chinese homework 3. A Maths homework 4. E Maths homework yesterday night and guess what? After completing Amaths tys and chinese zuo ye, i decided to lie on my bed for just a short while.. and guess what?! haha! i fell asleep! loserish. so i had geog elect amaths assignment from the purple book, and Emaths acs(i) and xinmin paper left uncompleted. so i guess i'll be doing them right after this. Early in the morning today, Mrs poon came into class and called for me. she told me i didn't know how to do my summary plus my compre was bad. well, i acknowledge it. i'll do my best to do more compreS and summaryS for MRS POON! YEA!!!! Oh and chinese was hilarious. we learnt dialect today, cantonese if im not wrong. intresting, cute, adn definetely better than lessons! but, i did my zuo ye!! That's all for now i guess!! See ya and BYE BYE!
SUPER HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
express yourself {8:45 PM}
Sunday, July 22
it is not my fault and it is defintely none of my business that your life is driven by such insecurity. so dont expect me to understand what you are feeling beause i really do not understand you and do not care. just wait until i become a psychologist. just you wait, and i'll be able to understand what you are feeling, although i dont care, i must say. my views towards people are kinda weird and i dont feel like.. dont know what im saying! just wonder why people can be so insecure and so self pity-ing. maybe, i am too fortunate. maybe.
express yourself {10:10 PM}
Saturday, July 21
people have been telling me that i should. i really dont know. ok, i do know what to do just that i dont think i want to do it. i'm just wasting everyone's time asking asking them again and again what i should do and why i feel that way and ranting to them about the whole thing that have no reason behind it at all. i really know i should but i just cant bring myself to. shit. thank you and sorry to byhr for telling you so many things and asking for so much of your advice when i dont heed any of them. i mean i know what is right and wrong and i just have to indulge in trying to believe that whatever my behaviour/action is correct and hoping for someone to agree with me. but sadly and truthfully, friends dont lie. told them cause they were close friends and they would just say what they feel. its pretty much what i know i should do too. wonder if anyone had this stupidly weird feeling too. but now, since i know what i should do, i'll just try my best to, after all, nothing at all happened. so, i'll start from say, later. yes i will.
jean's hogging on to the harry potter book, hell. she has to go tuition from now, two pm, to later, six pm, and she insisted on taking the book along with her. wth. whatever.
PUZZLE BOBBLE! <3
express yourself {1:58 PM}
Sunday, July 15
So besides the unfortunate event that just had to take place ealier today, the past week was quite a eventful week! (: Ok, not exactly eventful. Of course, there were many happy times and stupid times, but yup! Haha. Yesterday, was a Saturday and Ms Lee (tuition teacher) got married! It was at the Church of St Ignatius. First time seeing a church wedding, plus, she was SO PREETY! And yes, her husband was equally handsome! Our entire class went to hmm, what's that word, witness! her wedding. We got her this snail with a rose that was super sweet and jiayun&lynette got her this damn cute soft toy with some scribbles of words on it. Yup, so that was saturday. Oh, there was oral on saturday. Omg, oral was uhh, haha, crap? I went on and on and on but she didn't cut me. So, i don't know. And anyway, oral's kind of stupid, its just testing you on how well you can tell lies or make up stories incooperated with some good vocabulary and some stupid global and social insights, that doesn' actually mean much since we cannot do anything about these issues..
Last saturday was hwee san's birthday party. It was supposedly a suprise! (: But obviously, she wasn't so dumb till she didn't realise that there was going to be a surprise party for her. And so, there was the party! Lol. Oh, the pms people pmsed me one that day too. -.- Couldn't care less about them. They made me go home at 5am? But too bad, i overslept and went home at 730. It was hilarious watching that noob called linda laugh then cry then start laughing again, but trust me, it was freaking scary, so much so that we hid all the knives. Gosh. The power of linda.
Till then!
express yourself {8:09 PM}
Can't i PMS? If you can, why not me? Bloody hell. So what if you are old and I'm young huh? So what if you've got money and I've got none? So what?! What the hell. Bloody pms freak. I bloody woke up early today ( today is a SUNDAY ) just to do some work so that I can go through with the tutor. And you? What were you doing? Wasting your life away? Whole day talk about me, say what wake up early don't want to do homework, waste time read book, walk here walk there.. You? Whole day doing what? Reading newspaper? Using the computer? And oh ya, earning money so that ya what? You can give me. Hello?! You, are suppose to provide for me uh huh? Blame yourself for what I am or even, for my very existence. And one thing for sure. I wasn't borned onto this earth for you to pms at. I, am your consequence. So, too bad, shut up, and go cry at a corner where no one can see you cause it'll be just too embarassing. So what? This is one of the FEW times that I actually sat down and really wanted to do my work and concentrate and you just had to disturb me. And then, when I asked you to stop disturbing me, what type of reason is this? 'Ask money that time why talk so nicely?' *what the hell*-no link, at all. Use your brain to think. If I want something, would I not talk nicely? And besides, there is again, completely no link between asking you not to disturb me and me asking for your money, which coincidentally, your duty too. And think, since you are so smart. Do I need to lock the door if I wasn't being disturbed? Dumbass. Its a cycle you get it? Stop being so spiteful. Come on man, you are a fully grown grown up so stop indulging in little fights with adolecents or litte brats. Whatever. I can think more rationally than you, if I want to. But today, i just choose to be bitchy and resentful because you are. Grow up. Act maturely, and I'll do too, and even if I don't, I'm excused, but you are not. You are an adult. And please, be fair. When I am doing my work so harmlessly, don't pick on me. Go to the next room and take a peek at what that person next door is doing. What? Using the computer from 10 to 6? I may be exagerating a litte but you get my point. And by venting my frustration here now, I am wasting my time and it's your fault. But at least, I am not angry now. God i pity you.
Love.
express yourself {6:18 PM}
Wednesday, July 11
I feel like a total loser now, not that i am a loser, just that i feel like a loser. Get it? Whatever. When you know the implications of matter and you know the consequences and then you still do it, what is it called? Dumbass moron. WHY!!?!?!! Why the hell must i try to be nice when i don't exactly the F*ck bother about whether i'm nice of not. Why must persons be so nice to me when i DON'T FEEL like bothering about them at all. Why? Why? Why? If persons stop being so nice or just start talking less to me, i wouldn't feel so bad. Why? Why does persons has such high(?) expectations of me and think that i feel like talking or being in the company of persons? Why? Why must i talk to persons when i totally don't feel like talking and the only reason why i'm talking i because i feel bad. I have changed feelings toward persons. Can't persons feel my changed feelings and can't persons just STOP demanding so much? Things change, people change and you can't expect it to be the same, just like before. I've moved on, i think. I still feel really bad. Friends are not friends just because they feel bad, and just because they don't want to feel bad, they decide to be nice to you. That's not what true friends are. I've been struggling with this about persons for a very long time and it is not in the nature of me to put on a facade and just carry on with it as if i am not at all affected by it when i am. I am sorry, I truely am as i can't account for my feelings. Really, things were not as before. Things changed, I've changed (I'd rather believe that i did) and to me, persons changed. I don't enjoy going out with persons now. I don't enjoy talking with persons now. I dont't enjoy laughing with persons now. I don't enjoy gossiping with persons now. I'm sorry, I truely am. But at least, there is a memorable memory to hold on to.. i need to tell someone, or i'll explode.
On a lighter note.. MICHELLE ANN!! You are getting your sushi tmrw, but shh! My maid is making it.. dont tell michelle! I'll tell her i made it and oh! i owe her sushi because of a dumb reason. She was coming to my house when i realised that i had someting on. yup! haha, and i just blatantly lied to my junior about something!! (: (: (:
SEEYA!
express yourself {9:52 PM}
Tuesday, July 10
have been wondering and thinking for a short while. yup! this always happens, thinking about all the stuffs around regardless of whether it'll affect me or not.
i wonder what's the point of arguing/quarelling. yes, i do it, but i dont see the point of doing it. so when you know that there's no point in doing whatever you are doing and yet you still do it, then what is that called? indulging in stupidity? no matter how much you argue of quarrel, it will somehow come to an end or even if it doesn't come to an end, time, will heal the heated arguments or what so ever and make it less seriously servere where it was left. you know sometimes i just say thing just for the sake of saying things and sometimes even, without thinking. no, i didn't do any thing wrong or rather, i didn't do any thing serverely wrong but get what i mean? like there is just this buay song feeling and you just have to say something to retaliate and provoke the opposition.
i wonder what's the point of looking down and laughing at people. yes, i do it, and similarly, i don't see a point in doing whatever i am doing. take for example, a frizzy hair person, tying up her hair in an extremely 'act cute' manner. i'll just look at that person and start laughing. such a bitch, yes. not just me alone, many counterparts too, and i am sure that many are too, guitly, even those who are being laughed. also, just because others have a lower self esteem, a lower ego, we look down on them and call them losers and take away their right to do whatever they do. because they are losers, we look down on them, and because they are losers, they are not allowed to do what we winners are allowed to do. in the winner's perception, losers should not be heard. they have no right to talk, to laugh, to gossip. they are just not allowed to do anything. and so when subconsciencely looking down and laughing at others, it is not right to do so. they too, have a right to do whatever they are doing. they can laugh, talk, choose their seats as they wish.
i wonder why i feel the way that i feel. i do things that i do not know why i do. i distanced myself away from you know who and to that, i really do not know why. you know who hadn't at all changed and you know who was just the same, the very same person as before and yet, i did what i did and decided to be such a mean ass. i just can't account for my actions. sometimes, there is just this surge of overwhelming feeling whether good or bad, mostly bad towards you know who and i really really don't know why. i know i shouldn't feel that way but i just can't help it. 'Least you tried' but i will just continue trying not to have that overwhelming surge of feeling. and thank you to the only two people i told. yup, thanks, i realised that it was all on my part and it was after all, a mistake that i made. Yours sincerely.
see ya
express yourself {9:14 PM}
Sunday, July 1
helloooooooooo! very fast, one week past. yup! so the new word : discombobulated. ummmm, yea. haven't really/exactly told anyone. but i also dont know why i feel that way. i mean booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
its like you know, nothing happened, nothing happened at all, so i really DONT KNOW!! so, im really really really *new word*
express yourself {9:00 PM}
HEY YO!! Yup, i've decided what to do already. To let go. (: Its a good thing actually, not that we can't be friends or anything. Just, hmm, a little different from all those times. But i really really treasure those times i spent with you and i'll never ever forget you! (: (: (: You've helped me out in many many many many things and heard me go on and on countless times. Thank you for all that you've done! Love it and appreciate it, forever. But, i'm sorry. Hope you'll understand. But you won't be reading this anyway i guess, but in any case if you do, here's to you again, thank you for being there for me all the time and yup! That's all i guess.
