pathetic. bah.
im at daniel/dawn's hse now x)x)x). there's going to be band friday, good friday. damn la. spoil plans. really wanted to spend some time with some friends but. gahhhhh. lets pray that friday will be good. well, i said whatever i wanted to say yesterday, to whoever. that's how i feel, i dont know about you. thank you, goodnight, goodbye.











penguin! x)x)x)



oh gosh. the week started out wrong with band on monday and it made the entire week, i mean up till now, tiring like very tiring like very very tiring. arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. and hence, i was like hyper for some classes, bursting out in laughter for no reasons in other classes, and normally, making fun or some sort of the all time favourite teacher. band on monday is like messing up the biological clock, so yea. syf's in two weeks and we are not prepared. not at all prepared. not talking about gold with honours at all. gold? its damn hard to get, with our standard now. no one cares. someone, anyone, please, help the band. that's only in my opinion. and mid years is a month away. gosh, someone, help. school's starting to get boring, like what the preety bitch said. 'i hate school' omg, the way she said it was like damn bitchy la, and she's like only eight. oh and i had this really weird dream that i can't remember anything, only that it was weird. today was fine, i think. it stared out with geog elect which was usual and then, was english. gosh, it was hilarious to the max la can. haa, there's five periods of mrs poon tmrw! im so gonna survive it x)x)x). and today, after school, had the compre course. omg omg. did i say before?? the english person teaching, if i didn't remember wrongly, had SCOLDED me before, like REPRIMANDED me before in some train station. omg omg. but that was like two three years ago. come to think of it, i think i desreved to be scolded la. jean and i were making a hell load of noise in the cabin. and so. omg, but it is still so unbelievable la can. dad was free today!! so he picked me up from school and save me the trouble of going home myself. yipee yai yai. lol. and its so so so FUNNY!!!!! if you know what im saying. x)x)x)



Zzzz, sleepy. i promise i'll do all my homework tomorrow. yesterday was damn tiring. went to slack awhile first after school then went to united square for the usual and finally reached home, late, tired and exhausted, and waking up again today, early. grr. days are so hectic nowdays and its gonna be hectic-yer. so today, there was ewww, excahnge program, which we so screwed. yes. screwed. totally. in front of all the other schools, the other gold/gold with honours band schools. how embarassing. at least my friend said that our intrepretion was nice. im not too sure if she was sacarstic. but yes, that was the best comment she could give and yes, we screwed up badly. but that's not the point yea? lol. oh, and a junior was particularly affected by the screwing up of the band. i don't think i can comfort people well, but i'll try at least, no matter who you are. it was like she's sad becaue of (lets term the thing she was sad of X) X event or happening, then, i talked about Z stuffs (ps: Z is totally unrelated). so you get it. i try. i try hard. yea. and btw, a piano cost 8K at least, so NO!! dont buy it. read this, READ THIS!! oh, and i fell just now. opps, couldn't balance properly, or maybe i tripped over my wheels. hate bruises. lol. tmrw's so gonna be a long day. GOOOOOOOODNIGHT! x)x)X) ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



lets random abit. just checked through my email and i really really like those emails gary sent me. they're either cute, nice, motivational, funny, and useful. thanks gary! lol. oh, btw, gary's my cousin.

cute to the max right!? there's more cute ones.. x)x)x)
and its finally friday, i mean tmrw. and yipee yai yai! there's choices tmrw! x)x)x) blading!! haha. better than you, whole life bitch and sleep. bloody hell, lol. what the hell am i talking about. omg, went for tuition just now to replace some missed lesson. learning lab's fun sometimes and it really really educate you, make you learn, and make you think. haha. although my english is not that good, but still, it really hepled out alot la. haha. get over the guitar! get over the piano! bloody noob, whole day play play play. play piano, play guitar. i bring my sax home and play with you la, noob. hahh. and you better not buy a new piano you noob!!! i hope you read this.. x)x)x) and rsm noop offically hate me. AHAA, serves me right for laughing at everything she says. ooh, julien was nice today. she sat the bus with me to novena, i mean bus cum train. hee, i found out something! yipee yai yai. haha. FRIDAY!! so long!



OMG!!! guess what?!?!?!?!
I GOT MY GREEN FILE! the file, the lime green one, the damn nice one. lol. i better start filing up my stuffs x)x)x). oh and the AMaths file that mdm halilah collected was all photocopied fl's stuffs, only that i liquided away the front name. heh. i better start doing my work and start revising. oooooohh, there's exchange on saturday with chio bu bands and one mixed school. can da kai yan jian. girl schools all smart asses la. rgs, nanyang girls, cresent girls. cool to the max. shit, got tuition tmrw after band, what can be worst than that. arghh. and BOO! there's five periods of you know what tmrw. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



hellomoto! school's started, feels normal, probably whole hols have been in school. today was a frenzic. haha. cramming hw, physic prac test then chem test. damn, screwed both la. didint really study. and i haven't gotten my GREEN FILE yet. omg. i wanted it since before the hols la can. lol. i'll go buy it tmrw, i swear, if i even go to eastpoint. and im in dire need to pens. lol. eastpoint too la, together with my lime green file.omg omg omg. guess what? i found the kindergarten fairy photo. omg omg omg!!! the fairy was pink as in pink pink with a wings like you know, WINGS?!!?! with a magical wand. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OMG!!! i laughed my ass off when i found it. i shall bring it tmrw and the fortunate people shall get to see it. omg omg omg. so pink! so angel! so wand! ahahahahaha. oh oh, and my kindergarten friend was the top scholar or one of the top scholar of our psle batch, i heard. haha, so much of kindergarten(wait, or is it kindergarden. MRS POON!! HELPPPPPPPP x)x)x).)i dont know how the kindergarden thingy started. oh wait, no, i do. lol. there's a whole day of school tmrw and there's band tmrw too. bahh! and dad said he can't fetch me, again. neverming, he has his work. i think we're going to have a 5kg cake tmrw, so thats one thing to look forward to, yipee yai yai. oh there's four maths period tmrw and not forgetting, five periods of mrs poon on thursday. oh oh, shit, oh shit. i have to go to audi for both Amaths and Emaths. what luck. damn, so cold, so noisy, so smart. how to concentrate la can. da der di, pa per pi, ma mer mi, la ler li, ga ger gi, BOO! feeling lame. x)x)x) cant you tell?

x)x)X)



its showing phantom of the opera now. lol. i've got tics to it!! x)x)x), damn cool. going to study later, yipee yai yai. lets start to chiong for O's starting from tmrw yea??!!?!?!?! aha. rewind! friday was a super long day. woke up at like seven something so i could catch the eight something bus to meet up with bx at nine someting to reach the cope thing at nine thirty. the people helping out were all 2E. rachel, bx, me, nich, jing yi, lim pon, and rod, i think. loser hweesan and weiting, backed out. but at least it was ok la. oh and oh, we had to change to this shirt. save it for later. so the cope thing was this 'amazing race' where we had to help little kiddies around almost the whole singapore. its was tiring like damn tiring can. from cope place to pasir ris then from there to some unknown line to woodlands to tanjong of tiong something then up and down everywhere then back to pasir ris then back to cope. omg. then there was the batch's barbeque but since i brought the skates, might as well. nice people bx and rach decided to be nice and qian jiu me. then i realised it was kinda late and felt that i have to leave for the barbeque. lenny was nice accompanying me to mandarian garden, thanks! so back to the shirt, it said 'i can' so being the people they are, you should know what happended. and mommy and daddy didn't allow me to sleep over. mean!! lol. they ganged up to dis allow me. lol. it doesnt really matter. saturday, band. nothing much really. im kinda bored. so long!!!



overwhelming. i know i should study and yet i dont. bah, i really need adam khoo. feel like working yet feel like playing. bah bah bah. wake up wake up wake up. fucking sec four already, fucking screwed the psle already, fucking failed in life so many times already. sometimes i feel i brought many things upon myself. wait, i dont feel i brought it upon myself, i brought it upon myself. and most of the time, things are done without thinking of consequences. well, that applies to me at least. its abit like my favourite teacher, srm noop, who say things without actually thinking and then after saying it, realise the impact and consequences but shruggs it off as she realises that what said is said and what done is done. but despite knowing that she's done wrong, continues doing it continuously. well, look! i share some similarity with my favourite teacher. bah, but i dont think its only me and fav teacher who does it. many do. actually, i think everyone does it, just how frequent they speak without thinking. so the next time, try thinking before you talk and make sure that you dont do something stupid. anyway, today was quite ok. x)x)x). came school early today with intentions of studying. tried playing the sax but my tone still suck to the max. bloody noob. wth, join something that i suck in. at least outdoor still need more physical strength and stuffs that are more fun and outgoing outdoorish, which is more me-ish. indoor. sit down play music, tries hard, tries very hard to breathe correctly, tries very hard to have a desired tone, tries very hard to play the pieces. but to any avail? i know im by far, not a good instrumentalist and i wont be touching the instrument anymore after i leave, i think. but still, i'll try my beset to do my best, for this indoor. the rhetorical question that mr azlan posed us. how far are you willing to go? i am willing to go any far. to any extent. maybe this is my last year, hence, willing to put in any amount of effort. im willing to like the hated. im willing to listen. im willing to be awake all the time during practice. im willing to get cut if i cant play well. but, it is just me whose willing, or is not. maybe others are thinking this way too. but from my view now, im just willing to do it and im not actually doing it. this mindset is stuck. so what if im willing? will others, too, be willing to do what i will to do. if others is not willing, why should i be willing. im just a nobody and since the figures of authorities seem not to be doing any of this willingness thing, then why should i? what difference can i make, what difference will i make if only i m willing. im only willing to do it, not doing it. i seem to be waiting for someone to make the first move, to show that tinge of motivation before i myself get motivated, so i will do what i will to do. but then again, if no one does it, my willingness will just be willing, but not doing it. i think everyone is willing, just waiting for someone, anyone, to start bringing out the willingness in them. so that's for the willingness part. for who am i willing to go? the first answer that comes to the mind would be the band. TK Band. yes, i want the band to get gold, not just gold, gold with honours. we have never ever gotten that status, for indoor. then, you think down. for whom, am i willing to go? im willing to go for the batch, our batch, my batch. we've been throught so much together. we had fun togethter, we laughed together, we cried together, we hated each other, we bitched about each other, we loved each other. and this bond, seemingly seems to push us closer, maybe, and nearer and make us wanna get the much desired gold with honours for our coming. we want to be the batch known to be the first to attain a gold with honours for indoor. four years, of together. im willing to go for the batch. as much as i disagree with them and them disagreeing with me, yes, the batch. then, the section. wiling to go, for the section. nothing kills to see them putting in so mcuh effort in whatever they do. same, disregarding rivaries, i mean, its seems extremely juvenile to hate someone now when you know that time heals and that some time later, you'll be friends/patch up/not hate the person again and when you realise that you shouldn't have let this juvenile action affect the performance, it'll be too late, it'll all be too late. playing the right parts at the right time, playing the right things rightly, getting the right rythmn, getting the right dynamics. slamming fives as we achieve these teeny weezy detail. it might seem exremely minimal, but yes, these minute things of the section make me willing to go for them. and who am i willing to go for? me me and me. no, im not selfish, self centered or anything. you yourself, i mean, me myself, is the first thing. if you cant get over yourself, would you even come for band at all? would you come for band frequently? would you come for band all the time? willing to go for oneself. thats to whom. one wills to go for oneself. one has the pride of the band. one feels the glory of the band. one is willing to let himself be willing to be willing to do it, to go however far for the band. so it all boils back down to the band. please pardon me, i felt bandy.



HA.HA.HA. oh dear. yippeyai-earyi-yaiyai. ever wondered about friends? bah. i like most of them and i dont mind liking those i hate. but some things just piss me off, but nah, it doesnt last long, the pissness i mean. but i hate putting on a facade. its like the most hypocrite thing to do and now, im doing it. but duh, they're doing it too. oh, they're not doing it too, they're doing it all the time. so today, there was band and it was usual, no improvement, in my perspective. bladed before band and didn't learn any thing new, just tried on the backwards cross. then we went to parkway for lunch at kfc. i just realise that with the batch, its like bk, macs, food court, kfc. and with island, its like sakae? fish n co? ok, they're rich asses. lol. thats besides the point. the usual guys went ahead to blade and i went home. sorry mich the bitch, pang seh-ed you. but you suddenly didn't feel like blading, right? x) lol. and you'll know what im talking about soon la, confirm. but whatever it is, i dont give a damn. x)x)x). blading's fun and yea, its not that fun before that. it just got fun recenlty. maybe its the challenge and stuffs. lol. and its a life. its a thing you do, like, erm, like band, like school. its just a phase of the life. fi ylno i dluoc daer ruoy sthguoht. omg, haha. i used so much effort typing that out.



back from band camp! x)x)x). damn tired. im going to sleep soon i think and the worst thing is that im going back to school tmrw early in the morning for english test and english course. omg. i've got so much to say but i cant just say it here. i've got so much to tell you and you and you but i cant say it here and i would never ever want to tell you or you all. anyway, im like feeling so so so much better these days cause i've been ignoring and un-thinking of whatever i was thinking before, so, YIPEE-YAI-YAI. goodnight!



mrs poonie didn't come today. i knew this day would come. five, yes, five full peroids of english and literature combined. bah, its camp tomorrow and i still dont know if i want to go for safari or i dont know if im allowed to go for safari. tkh wants to see my parents and i dont know why. i dont think i've been slacking in his lessons. lol. heehe, daddy fetched me today from school after a long long time of not doing so. x)x)x) yipeeyaiyai. michelle's updating me now for what i missed out.

its kinda hard. but im trying. im really trying. trying my bestest best.



HELLO!
i dont know what to say, and i'll probably start crapping away. so yea. dont bother to read on la. recently, im having this extremely cynical view on things, people and stuffs. dont know why but sometimes, i just find that i cant stand it anymore. i've most probably ranted/complained/bitched to you about whatever that's been bothering me if you're close enough to me. i think i think too much. do i? i really dont know. so now, you get why im confused. you see, if i dont think, then it'll be like living in self denial and stuff. but then again, if i do think, then i'll do things that i dont like myself to do. maybe im sad as you or you all said. maybe im tired like you all said. maybe, i really dont know. but, i think i got things sorted out and im gonna be happy like happy happy. x)x)x)

with love <3



still confused
still weird



i tried my best. i did my best. i dont think it worked. and i dont know what happened. fuck la, that sucks to the max. so anyway, jean's left for her field trip and she wont be back till saturday.. so now, there's like this empty bed next to me and no one to fill me up with loads of crap before i tell her to sleep. gosh, cant believe im missing her. damn. lol. today was one long day. there was the amaths test, which if i remember the formula, if i remembered the steps, i wont fail. but i dont think i remembered anything. bah. and lit test was horrible. i screwed up the OPEN BOOK test. 'if you cant do it open book...' and oh dear, i went out of pointNESS. serious, i did the proclaimed jc question and somehow, i got confused on my stand. damn. im so gonna get it. besides that, there was band today, which in my opinion, was a complete waste of time cos its wasnt objective based and the whole practice sucked. boring.. we only played godspeed once la can. and there's new sax. linda can play the solo!! OMG. x)x)x). lol. i'll try making tmrw a better day. try.

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